Why Should I Be a Magical Girl? I'm Overworked As It Is! — Chapter 16: The Truth Pt. 2

“How old are you?” Maya asked.

Shuli’s nose was angled up at Maya. “It’s not polite to ask a lady her age.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. Why are you telling me all of this? Are you going to erase my memory or something with a doohickey?”

“I could. But I’m not going to. Because YOU are going to convince Carmen to pick up the wand.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa. I’m not gonna make Carmen work for free. See, there you go again, trying to meddle in our relationship.” Maya shook her head. “Bad Shuli.”

“You’re a good person. And now you know innocent beings are being corrupted. Based on what I’ve seen, I don’t think you’ll be able to help yourself. Carmen is more likely to listen to you than to me. Besides, you wouldn’t be the first non-chosen sidekick we’ve enlisted.”

“At the end of the day, it’s Carmen’s choice.” Maya crossed her arms and glared. Then the rest of Shuli’s sentence finally caught up to her brain.

“I’d be… Carmen’s sidekick?” Maya’s eyes got starry. She imagined herself following Carmen around, photographing or videoing her in her cute outfits and treasuring the images for life. 

“No, no. Hold on.” She waved her hand around frantically as if dispelling the image. “I wouldn’t be the first? Then why were you such a stick in the mud earlier? Why’d you make me think Carmen was crazy?”

“I was testing your bond and loyalty. Carmen’s anonymity is important so your government doesn’t pick her up for interrogation.” Shuli arched her back, stretching her hind leg. “That’s also why claiming the artifact is so important. It hides the user’s identity by making their clothes unrecognizable and changing their hair and eye color. A magical transformation, as you would say.”

“Okay, well, first of all, I’m offended, but I also get it. Second of all, oh my God. She really does have a transformation sequence!”

“Yes. I told her she’d get a wardrobe upgrade.”

Maya gasped, “Wait a minute.” She pulled out her phone and started going through socials really fast. When she found what she was looking for, she shoved her phone in Shuli’s face. “Are you saying this is real?”

“Why, yes, that outfit does look like something a chosen one would have.”

“I thought it was a really, really good aspiring cosplayer paying someone to take this video of them fighting a CGI monster! Does everyone’s outfit look… this girly?”

“It depends on the artifact and person. The goal is to make them as unrecognizable as possible.”

“Oh. Carmen’s not going to like that.”

“I’m not going to like what?” Carmen roused like a bear coming out of a long winter hibernation. Her subconscious did not like that combination of words and told Carmen to get up and pay attention because her peace depended on it.

Maya showed Carmen the video.

“This is a video of your maybe colleague.”

Carmen watched a girl who looked to be in her late teens heroically doing acrobatics in a yellow-orange froofy outfit, with blonde hair and blue eyes, using a scepter that was way cooler than the cheap wand Shuli brought. She held it up in front of her, striking a pose, and released a beam of light on a tree monster. The tree’s roots had overtaken an entire street and were holding people hostage. After the beam hit it, the roots retreated and the tree became just a tree.

Birds landed on it nonchalantly.

The girl waved to the person taking the video, blew a kiss, then cartwheeled away.

Carmen slowly lifted her head. Maya was looking at the wall, biting her lip. She put her phone away.

“What the hell was that? What did I just watch? That’s what you want from me?”

Shuli cleared her throat. “Chosen ones are special. The artifacts choose people who have honor. They choose people who have integrity. People who’d do right even when nobody’s watching. Perseverance and grit are necessary.”

Maya’s hands were covering her mouth, eyes teary. “That’s my Carmen. Still her choice though.”

Shuli looked doubtful.

Maya narrowed her eyes. “Are you thinking Carmen shouldn’t have the wand?”

“She threw a magical artifact of unknowable age into a freezer. Between two lasagnas. Forgive me the occasional doubt.”

“It deserved the freezer! It should have known better than to bother me,” Carmen exclaimed, still upset about the video she’d just seen. Maya had left the wand on the coffee table, next to Shuli. Carmen burned holes into it with her eyes. It let out a faint pulsing glow in response.

“It glows like a night light!” Maya was astonished.

“Okay, so you think I’m unqualified. I’ve rejected the stupid ugly wand. Why do you keep following me around? Put this wand in storage because it’s clearly defective.”

“I’m afraid I can’t not follow you around. It’s my job to make sure the artifact is paired with its chosen partner. I don’t control it. So, you’re stuck with us. The previous holder has passed—”

“Passed. As in died!?” Carmen was definitely not touching it now. Maya used her foot to scoot the coffee table as far away from them as possible, all the while clinging to Carmen.

“Carmen, you can’t be a magical girl, I won’t allow it! You can’t die,” Maya sobbed. 

“And you two called me dramatic?” Shuli hadn’t moved, so she went with the table. “I meant that she passed the wand on after years of service, because she was starting a family, and newborns take a lot of time.”

“Phew. Oh, that’s actually quite nice. She went on maternity leave.” Maya wiped the sweat from her forehead. “That was quite the fright.”

“I’m telling you right now that if that’s what you expect from me, you are asking me to die of embarrassment and to literally also die.”

“That’s why I’m telling you to grab the wand! Its magical concentration is much higher than my bowtie’s. It’ll make you feel better. It’ll enhance your physical capabilities, so if you take a hit, depending on the hit, you won’t get hurt. The world’s magic protects those who fight to maintain order and peace. You’ll feel lighter, less tired. Your body won’t strain like it did yesterday.”

“That’s not what you said! I asked you if there was a hospital. That sounds like medical insurance!”

“Well, no, there’s no hospital. Can you imagine the costs? The labor? And you asked about dental insurance, Carmen. Dental insurance is when you pay monthly to get access to a reduced dental bill,” Shuli supplied helpfully, but also not.

Maya was whipping her head back and forth between Carmen, Shuli, and the wand, because now the wand was glowing brighter as if to say, see, I come with perks.

Carmen let out a frustrated groan and pointed at Shuli. “Do you see what I’m dealing with, Maya!”

“Shuli, perhaps you should have led with ‘I’m offering you a job that will remove your daily pain and allow you to feel in tip-top form.’ That probably would have made Carmen listen to you.”

“…I want my chicken filet now.”

“Just a few more questions, Shuli.” Maya calmly sat Carmen back down before she could storm off. She wiped imaginary dust off her lap and clasped her hands together. “So, you’re saying if Carmen hypothetically took this role on, she could quit?”

“She could…”

“And the wand would let her go?”

“If she gave it a real shot, yes.”

“She needs to hold it to get access to its power?”

“Yes. It bonds to its user. It would stay hers until the occurrences die down, at which point there would be mass layoffs and she’d most likely be cut, since we’d prioritize the chosen ones who have been working longer. Or, she quits. Until then, it won’t work for anyone else.”

“And if she were to quit, what would happen?”

Shuli squeaked, sensing Carmen’s fury. “A magic oath of silence or a memory seal. It’s the person’s choice.”

Nobody said anything for a moment.

“Perfect, thank you, Shuli. Now, Carmen, do you have any specific questions for Shuli?”

“You suck at your job.”

Shuli startled. “I do not! I’ll have you know I have great ratings! Maya, Carmen’s being mean to me!”

“Carmen, that’s not nice.”

“She’s terrible. One star. Can I give less than one star?”

Maya sighed.

Shuli hissed and took out her claws. “I’ll show you one star!” Maya picked her up before she could lunge and set her on her lap, petting her head and scratching her ear.

Shuli and Carmen were locked in a hate-filled staring contest. Maya could practically see sparks between them.

“One more question. Very important.” Maya started using her other hand to pet Shuli’s back, giving her a double-handed massage.

Shuli waited.

“The monocle. How does it stay on?”

“A small constant use of my magic.”

“Constant like, even in sleep?”

“Even then.”

Carmen exploded. “Oh, for crying out loud! That’s why you need a cooldown period! You’re never starting from full. You’re spending magic every day just to keep that thing on your face. When you told me you couldn’t help me with the jug, that it was too heavy, was it because you were prioritizing your monocle?!”

Shuli sniffed. “Maya, I want my chicken filet. You promised.”

Maya couldn’t hold it in. She laughed. This was all so absurd. “Okay, okay.”

“Build character my ass! You’re lucky Maya has you right now.”

“Maya, can I live with you?”