Why Should I Be a Magical Girl? I'm Overworked As It Is! — Chapter 21: Scary Movie Day

At the theater, the ticket guy at the door was a middle-aged man with a lanyard and the dead eyes of a customer service employee. He had the same smile Carmen wore on drive-thru.

Carmen respected him immediately.

He scanned Maya’s phone, frowned, and scanned it again.

“Three tickets?” He glanced behind them. “It’s just you two. Do you need a refund?”

“One’s for my bag,” Maya explained. She moved to show her backpack.

“I’m sorry, miss. There’s no pets allowed.”

“It’s empty!” Maya said cheerfully.

He leaned forward and peered through the bubble window. The man saw an empty backpack. He looked at Maya and Carmen.

Maya gave him her biggest, friendliest smile. “I don’t like to put my bag on the floor, what if it gets dirty?” She clasped her hands together and made a worried face.

He shrugged. “Theater six. On your left. Enjoy the film!”

Carmen had noticed the pattern a long time ago. She highly suspected Maya could get away with anything at this point. She was also beginning to understand that the entire world worked like this. Nobody wanted to deal with the repercussions of asking too many questions.

Including herself.

Maya wanted to stop and get some popcorn. So, Carmen naturally followed along, softly reminding her that she had candy covered.

They both picked the movie. It was a horror film about a family whose house had an entity living in their child’s closet.

Carmen liked horror. But unlike Maya, Carmen actually got scared.

When they got inside, Maya set the backpack on the seat between them and opened it.

Shuli hopped out and Maya flipped it over, fabric side up, as if it were a booster seat. Shuli didn’t waste time and climbed on it, going in a circle before loafing.

The frame prevented it from caving in. Maya hadn’t been kidding. Shuli was rounder.

“Carmen, can Shuli see properly?”

“I’m good, thank you, Maya,” Shuli said.

“Yes. She says thank you.” Carmen rolled her eyes. “I’m telling you, this was a bad idea. She doesn’t seem like the type to enjoy movies like this.”

“I’ll have you know, I’ve watched lots of scary movies!” Shuli defended herself.

“Carmen, are you judging Shuli because of how she dresses?”

“No, I’m judging her based off her snooty personality and—” Carmen shut her mouth when Maya’s face emptied of all emotion.

Shuli snickered. “Ooooo, you’re in trouble.”

Carmen backtracked. “I’m sorry, Shuli. For being mean.”

“Better. Did Shuli accept your apology?”

Shuli turned her cheek away.

“Yes.”

Shuli whirled her head at Carmen.

“You liar! I’m telling Maya. Just you wait.”

The lights dimmed.

Maya watched with sparkling eyes and a handful of popcorn frozen halfway to her mouth.

Meanwhile, Carmen gripped the armrest for dear life, trying not to react, pretending she was as cool as a cucumber. She summoned every baby otter video she could remember to calm herself.

The director knew exactly what they were doing. Carmen didn’t like how the camera stayed on the hallway when nothing was in it.

Nothing good ever happened in a hallway like that. And what the heck was up with the suspenseful music? It shouldn’t be this long.

She glanced at Shuli, who was turned around, facing the chair.

“Tell me when it’s over,” Shuli requested.

Carmen couldn’t answer her. To everyone else in the theater, she was a grown woman whispering to an empty seat.

“Is it over?”

It was not over.

“Carmen. What’s happening? Why is the music doing that?” Shuli kept flattening her ears.

Right when Shuli was about to turn, something burst out of the closet on screen. Maya and Shuli screamed. The man behind Carmen spilled his soda. She knew because she heard the lid pop off, probably squeezed too tight, then the splash of soda hitting the floor.

“Carmen, I want to go on Maya’s lap! Tell her to pet me. I’m stressed.”

Carmen leaned toward the backpack. “Shh. You said you could handle it, so handle it.”

“Shh,” said the man behind her.

She sank down in her seat and didn’t say anything else for the rest of the movie. She did, however, stress eat all of the candy she’d brought, passing some to Maya, right over Shuli’s head.

At some point, Shuli ignored Carmen and crawled into Maya’s lap. Maya startled at the weight. She patted around until she felt Shuli, then petted her.

When the credits rolled, Maya was radiant as she zipped an invisible Shuli back into the backpack. “Wasn’t that amazing?”

“Sure. It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. The ending was the only crappy part.” Carmen’s fingers ached from the armrest. She wasn’t going to tell Maya that.

“I’ve decided I actually don’t like scary movies,” Shuli added.

They stepped out of the dark theater into the sunlight. The sky was cloudless and the outdoor speakers were playing classical music.

They were debating where to grab an early dinner when they were interrupted.

“Carmen, Maya!” Shuli said, panicking. “I sense corrupted energy. We have to go back to the car to get the wand.”

Carmen knew Shuli went visible inside the backpack because Maya freaked out. “What? Here? Now? Are you sure it’s not your nose acting up again?”

Maya took off her backpack and unzipped Shuli out, while Carmen started digging through her purse looking for more candy.

She wondered if maybe she had missed one. She hoped she had. Candy sounded good to her right now and she didn’t want to buy any of the overpriced confections found here.

She pulled out a bunch of wrappers.

“Huh, I guess I did eat them all.”

She jammed the wrappers back in. Her mind started to wander.

For example, there had to be a better way to tell when Shuli is visible and invisible, aside from her saying so. Carmen was tired of having to use ‘context clues’ to figure it out.

How did the pigeons know? Were they more observant than humans? Did they have… a sixth sense? If magic was real, then were ghosts real too?

Carmen was pondering the existence of demons when she noticed Maya was gone.

“You really don’t pay attention, do you?” Shuli sat at Carmen’s feet, unimpressed.

“Where’s Maya?”

“She said she was going to go get the wand, just in case. She left ten minutes ago.”

“I’m not touching that thing.”

“I gathered. But it’s best to have something, no? What if something really, really bad happens?”

“That’s life. Shouldn’t you be in the backpack?”

“Maya took it. If something happened, she didn’t want me to be confined. Isn’t she thoughtful? She’s the best.”

Carmen crouched down to Shuli’s level. “You listen here. It’s time you frolicked off to some other person.” She gently poked Shuli in the chest. “You’re offering me a third job. No pay. A costume. A stick that cries glitter. And the big perk is I’ll feel less tired? That I’ll be sturdier—”

“Don’t forget, you’ll feel good about yourself!”

“—so I can work more, for free? I’m not joining your sparkly little cult. I should be able to reject it without having to bond with it or whatever. There is no scenario in which I’m going to ‘give it a try.’ A monster attack is not going to change my mind.”

A woman hurried past, pulling her kid along by the hand.

“Mommy, why is that lady talking to the cat like that? Is she crazy?”

“Shhh, baby. Don’t look at her. Just keep walking.”

“But that poor cat.”

Shuli meowed.

Carmen’s eye twitched.

Then the sound of screaming reverberated all throughout the mall. Carmen whipped her head toward it. Along with everyone else.

Shoppers stampeded out of a pet boutique.

A lady clutching a chihuahua in a sweater went down, but she rolled into the fall, got up, and kept running, all in heels.

Carmen felt the world was mocking her. Even the chihuahua lady could execute a roll.

The front window exploded outward. Glass and wood shavings sprayed across the walkway.

A golden blur came barreling out.

At first, Carmen’s brain threw a 404 error code. It was round. It was fluffy. It had tiny pink hands and a pink nose.

It was a hamster the size of a bear.

Its cheeks were stuffed so full they bulged, and its eyes glowed a dark, ominous purple. It released a high-pitched squeak that made Carmen cover her ears.

People ran. Shopping bags flew in the chaos. Carmen considered picking some of those up and running with them.

Before she could shoot her shot, Maya sprinted back, leaving a trail of glitter in her wake. “I’m here, I’m here! I have the wand. FLIPPING PANCAKES, WHAT IS THAT?”

“A problem for animal control.” Carmen grabbed her by the arm and pulled her down behind a planter. Shuli pounced after them.

Then they heard the baby.

A stroller was tipped on its side. The hamster had knocked over a jewelry kiosk. The mother was pinned under the wreckage, shoving at the tangled rotating stands.

“MY BABY! Please! Someone help my baby!”

The baby was strapped into the stroller, red-faced and wailing.

Nobody moved. A ring of people had formed at a safe distance, with their phones up, filming. Much like the earlier monster incident, they were all useless.

The hamster’s head swung toward the stroller, and it bared its teeth. They were long and yellow.

“The baby!” Maya was crying. “Carmen, we have to help her! It’s a baby!” On shaking legs, she stood, preparing herself to run. The wand was clutched to her chest.

“Carmen,” Shuli said sagely. “You can make it. The wand will get you there. You’re the only one who can save that baby.”

Carmen wanted to cry too, because what the hell kind of What Would You Do? scenario was this?

She wanted to watch a horror movie, dammit.

Carmen looked at the screeching baby. At the desperate mother begging. At the wall of phones held by people more interested in filming.

The hamster charged.

“Fuck my life,” Carmen said, and snatched the wand out of Maya’s hands.

It hummed like it had been waiting.

“Fine! Whatever! I fucking accept!”

The wand stopped crying.

Then pink light exploded out of it. It swallowed Carmen and bathed the area in a blinding flash.