Why Should I Be a Magical Girl? I'm Overworked As It Is! — Chapter 1: The Unwilling Heroine

Carmen trudged down the poorly lit street, putting as much distance as she could between herself and the car she’d just badly wedged into a parking spot. It should’ve been an easy fit, but the person in front had parked like an asshole, which was probably why it was left open at this time of the night. The aforementioned asshole left a big gap for themselves and invaded the open parking spot with their bumper.

It took Carmen several minutes to do it. All the while swearing under her breath as she reversed, corrected, and pulled forward, over and over until she finally squeezed in.

“On the bright side, I don’t have to walk as far as I usually do. I freakin’ guess,” she muttered.

A dying streetlight with a swarm of insects buzzed and flickered overhead, throwing twitchy shadows across the gum-stained pavement.

Carmen had worked two jobs back to back today. She’d just gotten off of her evening shift at the fast food burger joint. Tomorrow, she was scheduled again, but this time, it was for the lunch shift and then she had her sushi waitressing job after.

She’d been working at the same fast food counter for almost three years now. Evening shifts were usually ok, but sucked towards the end. Customers liked to stroll in right before midnight, when the dining room’s closing time hit, and order like they had all the time in the world. It was also when there was a huge rush. All the people who suddenly craved milkshakes and needed their late-night munchies fix made it just as hectic as breakfast and lunch.

At least she wasn’t stuck on drive-thru all night. That was when the sketchy shit started: people pulling up in their hot-boxing cars, customers demanding to use the bathroom even though the dining room was closed and threatening to pee in the parking lot when they got told no, fights and stabbings in the parking lot. There was even a homeless man who came in and flashed the person at the register… twice.

Carmen kept her head down as she walked past the overflowing trashcans. Her ugly oil-stained yellow shirt and black pants smelled like the inside of a fast food bag. The brim of her red work hat covered most of her face. She had pulled it low on purpose. Nobody needed to see what an entire day’s worth of customer service had done to her.

Unfortunately for her, she didn’t notice the pair of bright, glowing green eyes watching her. If she had, she’d have crossed the street.

Carmen made it three more steps before a bright pink object caught her eye.

She stopped.

The thing was aggressively, hideously pink.

“What kind of dollar-store magic is this? Was some little kid playing around here?”

She cautiously extended one foot and poked it. It was a pink wand with a yellow star for the top.

“Is this the latest kidnapping scheme?”

She looked around, half expecting to spot a hidden camera. “Or is it some guy in a bush, waiting for me to scream so he gets views.”

The wand shimmered and glowed. She jerked back.

“Whoa.”

She narrowed her eyes at it.

“…I don’t like that.”

Choosing to ignore it, she stepped over the wand. The glow intensified impossibly more. Carmen kept walking, despite the blinding light behind her illuminating the street.

“Congratulations!”

Carmen turned, squinting, hand defensively in front of her, pepper spray on her keychain ready, fingers on the trigger. She was blinded for a few seconds before the light stopped.

A black and white cat wearing a monocle attached to a pink bowtie sat proudly beside the wand.

Carmen stared.

“You have been chosen to help save the world!”

Carmen slowly lowered the pepper spray.

“My name is Shuli, and I shall be your guide on this incredible journey.”

Carmen slapped herself, repeatedly.

“Am I hallucinating? Was it that expired yogurt I had? I knew it tasted funny. Dammit. Do I need to call poison control?! Oh God.”

Shuli ignored Carmen and continued with her spiel. “There is a spark within you! A potential for greatness you cannot even begin to imagine!”

Carmen had her phone out, already dialing for an ambulance. Right before she hit the call button, she remembered ambulance rides were expensive.

“With this magical wand, you will possess the power to battle the forces of evil, defend the innocent, preserve the peace, and embark upon a life filled with excitement and thrilling adven—”

“Nope. I’ll just sleep it off.”

Carmen walked away, re-pocketing her pepper spray.

Shuli’s jaw dropped. The monocle nearly fell off.

“What?”

Carmen kept walking. Shuli scrambled after her.

“Wait!”

Tiny paws slapped frantically against the pavement, racing after Carmen.

“Wait, wait, wait! You cannot simply leave! Your world needs you!”

Carmen stopped.

Shuli skidded to a halt behind her, almost running into Carmen’s feet.

For one glorious second, hope returned to the magical cat’s face. Slowly, Carmen turned and leaned down. The flickering light made her look menacing. She slowly lifted the brim of her hat, making eye contact with Shuli.

Shuli screeched, backpedaling away from Carmen.

Carmen’s dark brown eyes were bloodshot, framed by dark haggard circles. Damp brown hair stuck to her forehead from where it had been pressed against the hat. She had a zit breakout against her cheek. She’d made the mistake of scratching it with her shirt’s shoulder sleeve a few days ago since she couldn’t use the hands she’d just washed and gloved. The oil from the shirt, combined with the fumes of the fryer, clogged her pores. She had several embarrassing bright red bumps that could be seen from far away.

Carmen looked directly at Shuli, nostrils flaring.

“The world needs me? Well, what I need…”

Shuli swallowed.

“…is a vacation.”

Carmen lowered her hat. Then she turned around and continued walking home.

Shuli remained dumbfounded, rooted to the spot. Completely frozen in horror.

Carmen shoved her hands deeper into her pockets.

“I really need to get some sleep… glowing toys and talking cats. Holy hell, that’s a new one.”

Behind her, the streetlight gave one final flicker before it went out.

The magical wand remained abandoned on the sidewalk, its brilliant pink glow sadly, slowly fading after being rejected.